i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I need water and some morals
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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