just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
