pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize