went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize