yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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