i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
