Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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