That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
