u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
