I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
