i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
they're like a gay fantastic four
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
