Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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