It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Randomize
