i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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