This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
