hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
