I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
