so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
