I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
