I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
