Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
