No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
