So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
