After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
