tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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