On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
