is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
