Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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