saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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