hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
