JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
