he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
