Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
