My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
