I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
