He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just found a bag of teeth...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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