i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
