it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
