seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
