goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize