I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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