Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
