I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
