I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
