you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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