Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
