And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
