I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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