well you can't waste a boner
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
me + whiskey = a bad person
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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