CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
