well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
