you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
