he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
