This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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