he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
