Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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