I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
