I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
