new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
