I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Who died my cat blue again?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
