how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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