Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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