I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
