i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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