just survived the first fart of the relationship.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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