Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
