I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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